Posts Tagged ‘hope’

Honesty Hurts

I hate myself for not obeying the thoughts, I hate myself for finding it so difficult to fight against them.

I can’t win.

I feel scared, alone, unsafe.

I don’t understand why I feel this way, where the thoughts are coming from.

There is noone here, noone I can talk to, noone who might stop me.

I feel powerless.

It’s not if, it’s when.

And it sucks.


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Merry Christmas

And ye, beneath life’s crushing load,
Whose forms are bending low,
Who toil along the climbing way
With painful steps and slow,
Look now! for glad and golden hours
come swiftly on the wing.
O rest beside the weary road,
And hear the angels sing!

It Came Upon The Midnight Clear

(Apologies, I wanted to post a more modern version of that verse that had caught my imagination somewhat at a carol service, but I couldn’t find it on the internet at all!)

So, it appears to be Christmas again. A strange time of year, one which seems to highlight the differences between what my life is and what it could be. And yet I can’t stand around and mope about it, because I will miss what I have when it’s gone, and it will be soon.

So, here’s to the season, to eating lots of nice food and having a good time (even if forced to)… but also to that old old mystery pondered upon across the world today – that of God becoming a helpless human baby, and living in our messed up, hurtful world, until we killed him.

Merry Christmas!

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