Posts Tagged ‘getting a job’

I forgot to say (think I was too lethargic…), I got the job! Hurrah! I’m having trouble getting very excited about it, possibly because of how far away it is, but other people have been reminding me how great it is that I did, so, errr… yay and stuff?

Still don’t have anything to do this summer though, and that’s where the familial pressure lies.

In other news, I just found an old mindmap of my depression which I made at Easter when I was far enough out of my depression to be able to put fingers to keyboard, but not so far out that I’d forgotten how it felt. I’ve always been a visual learner, though it took me until I was 17 to realise this, and mindmaps have been an absolute godsend to me. I had to do regular essay plans for my French A-level (along with the actual essays), and never could get the hang of the way that we’d been taught to do essay plans, because it was linear, and the plans in my head utilized 2 or 3 dimensions.

Even better was an unexpected benefit – my French teacher stopped asking me for essay plans once I started handing them in in mindmap format, because she couldn’t make head nor tail of them (I got at least one of them back with that as the comment, plus “10/10” – apparently because it “looked good”. Not that I’m recommending bamboozling your teachers as a good method for getting full marks…)

It’s funny, looking back. I don’t remember half of this, and yet it’s there, in black and white.

(click on the image to enlarge it – and obviously, it might be triggering for anyone who’s going/gone through the same thing)

Looking at that now, I can see that my thoughts were distorted… twisted… ever so slightly round the bend. And to that extent I’m really rather glad that my brain has drawn a veil over those few months.

But, I’m also glad that I have this record. Because next time I think I don’t have an illness, or that I’m just making it all up, or that I shouldn’t have dropped out when I did, I have this as proof to myself.

I do wish I could put pretty pictures on it, but given the content, I don’t think full-color illustrations would exactly be appropriate!


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A Time for Everything

There is a time for everything,
a season for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to rebuild.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to lose.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak up.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

For some reason, I often find incredible peace from reading this. I suppose because it mentions most of the emotions I wind up going through, but gives no extra time to the “good ones” – all are treated equally. I feel somewhat reassured by the thought that there may indeed be a time to cry, a time to grieve, and even a time to die.

There may even be a time to miss church, which is what I accidentally did today. I’m rather peeved about it, because I’d been spending virtually the whole week looking forward to going, and to seeing someone there who I wanted to talk to… but she will hopefully be there again next week, so I shall just have to focus on making it through the next week. I’m feeling fine (not depressed, etc), so the challenge will be not stressing myself out too much with CVs and application letters nor with trying to work out how to make my complete lack of experience and recent breakdown sound like positive reasons why I should be hired.

Oh, yeah… if I’d known I was going to oversleep anyway, I could have stayed up and watched that episode of Casualty while it was still freshly new on iPlayer, instead of going to bed. If only I were psychic, huh?

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