I’m feeling a bit at sea. Every day I get through has another one after it. I can feel myself falling deeper into depressive behaviour, but when I try and pull myself out, I can’t manage to make myself cope better.
I have a discharge meeting with my care-co and my worker from the YP-place this week, hopefully I’ll be able to sound positive at it, I don’t like talking about how down I feel in case it seems like a reaction to having to be discharged.
On that subject – I have to be discharged because I’m not the CMHT’s typical sort of client, and it was only ever going to be short term work for three months (this said six months ago… so I’ve had my fair share and then some). Psychiatrist has already discharged me, so I’ll be free of specialist MH services soon. I have been referred to see a psychologist though, for real this time (long story, might try and post it properly).
However, care-co has apparently encouraged YP worker to rerefer me if the risk to myself (haha) increases, which is a bit of a change from my old psych’s viewpoint of needing a Severe and Enduring mental illness before referring.
Dithering over whether to obey the thoughts again or not – the last time seems to be healing with no scar. Hoping that if I do, it might stop everything breaking down around me. I’m a bit scared, I’d prefer to have enough faith to stand firm against the onslaught, but when I tried talking about it, things got worse – and big words like “delusional thoughts” got waved around, which didn’t help. Even reading back what I’ve written makes it sound overly dramatic.
I’ll finish off with a quote I overheard in the (very studenty) supermarket…
I asked my mother to buy me a laptop when she came down last weekend, but she bought me teabags instead
Sorry to hear things are still shaky. I don’t know about severe, but your illness is certainly enduring and I still find it surprising that the CMHT aren’t trying to do something for you. I hope the psychologist referral comes through eventually and that your GP and the YP place look out for you for the time being.
As for that student. ffs. Children these days!
Take care hun and try not to give in. xx
Sorry to hear things aren’t great. Hope that discharge etc. goes ok and that the psychologist comes through with some (useful) support.
Take care,
Differently