(Please, don’t read this post if you’re feeling queasy or are squeemish)
Well, yesterday I discovered that my housemates, the mice had been mostly hanging out in one particular corner of the room… so I investigated. What I found were hideous amounts of droppings… and two dirty plates that had been rotting there since I don’t know when (October/November, I think). I’m a little creeped out, and now wary of cleaning the rest of my bedroom, for fear of what else might be lurking.
So, I vacuumed up, and threw the plates away (to my slight satisfaction). I don’t have very many, but since I don’t know how long they were there, I obviously have more than enough for my purposes. Coincidentally, I bought a full set of new crockery yesterday (well, two each of dinner plates, medium plates, bowls and one mug), in an experiment to see if having plates that I liked and cared about would galvanise me into doing the washing up more often. (Took me ages to find some I liked, and I’m still not happy with them, but they were knocked down to 70% their original price, so I was unlikely to find anything cheaper than they were). I’m planning to chuck all my old plates out, and just leave the new ones. What a consumerist lifestyle I lead, huh?
It’s kinda embarrassing really. I’d like to think I was the kind of person who keeps a tidy house, but it’s something I always fail at, and never more so than when I’m depressed. When I’m too depressed to get out of bed, it’s not really a problem (except that the dust starts piling up), so I can only assume the plates date to a time before that, when I was too depressed to do the washing up, but still eating. This isn’t a side of mental illness that you see much. As Hannah over at colouredmind has remarked before, the face of depression usually portrayed seems to be glamourous young girls who look a bit glum, hold their head in their hands, and maybe cry a bit. Where are the skanky, neglected surroundings? The unkempt and matted hair? The constant loss of weight? Even in the blogosphere, noone seems to speak about it much. The only time it comes to attention is on shows like “How Clean Is Your House?”, where I’m fairly sure quite a few of the participants were diagnosably mental (does anyone remember the guy who had an uncontrollable urge to hoard broken bikes? He was STILL hoarding them when they went back three months later to check up on whether he’d managed to keep his house clean and tidy, and looked like he’d fill up the house again in another couple of years if he didn’t get some actual help).
Ironically, it’s also the one area of my life that feel I really need some advice/practical help with, but there just isn’t anyone I could get that from. Surely I can’t be the only one out there who struggles with self-care?
Your definatly not the only one who struggles with self care. With my CPN we write out lists of things that need to be done and which day I will do them. Todays is wash hair and cut nails and tomorrows is to buy some food. I find splitting it all down into chunks, what I am going to do, do i need to go to a shop, if so which shop, do i need money, howmuch, will i do it AM or PM helps me.
Take care, Hannah X
That’s actually a really good idea, I might try that! Though it sounds a bit of a large hurdle at the moment.
I’m collecting practical ideas like that (making lists, etc). I have a few already, but most of them centre on getting me out and coping when I’m really down, not self-care.
I have the same problem… I can’t keep my place tidy, I spend days without showering, my nails and hair are a mess, there are piles of food that are so old that if you cut the pile you might get an idea of what I’ve been eating for weeks.
Something that has helped me lately is: In my room I have a big basket for dirty clothes. I have a big basket for garbage. I have a big basket for “things I start doing but don’t finish”. When I’m stuck in bed and can’t do anything, it’s easier to throw things in a basket than going all the way to the back and use the laundry machine or taking the garbage out right away. So, they do pile up, but I get more control, and whenever I get a little bit of energy it’s easier to take care of each basket…
before the basket, it was all in the floor, for weeks, and weeks.
About myself, I use Hannah’s advice, but I don’t plan it. I just do ONE thing a day. It’s more effective in the long run than waking up everyday trying to do all at the same time.
For example, I use a hairdo that is easy to keep. I got rid of my curls, cause they would have to be taken care of everyday and I don’t know if I will be up for it. It’s just nice and easy. I have books near my bed for easy reach. I have food that I don’t have to struggle to prepare.
I struggle hugely with self-care tasks too. I break it down into individual tasks and say to myself: “Right, I’ll do that first e.g. take a shower, and then see how I feel.” It seems to make it less mammoth. I, like ‘crazyasuka’ go for the simple, so I have a very easy hairstyle to manage - all it needs is washing, ready meals in the freezer etc.
When I am really unwell I get a lot of help from my Mum who essentially takes over all the self-care tasks bar the personal hygiene stuff e.g. she washes my clothes, cooks for me etc. In times of crisis I’d be in dire straits without her.
I have no choice but to keep going with this stuff. My other half makes me do these things. I don’t like it though. If I had a choice I wouldn’t do any of it. I want to live on my own. I can’t stand all this making things tidy thing. I know it is for the best that he makes me keep going though. I just wish I didn’t have to.
“Well, yesterday I discovered that my housemates, the mice had been mostly hanging out in one particular corner of the room… so I investigated.”
Chouette, how can you write a sentence that sounds so much like my own writing and still insist you don’t feel you’re good enough to guest on DBAH? Crazy! I must insist you leave those thoughts alone and, I lost track. I was going somewhere with that.
Oh, well. I was probably just trying to coax you into guesting again.
Suzy x
Try squalorsurvivors.com — I think that’s about the best site out there.
http://squalorsurvivors.com/
Depression might be bad for your environmental health but it can make you some money - catch the mice, give then a bath and sell. Take care xx
I second eccedentesiast’s suggestion but insted of selling them you could trin them to do tasks like cooking and shopping and hair watching. Sorry I am just being silly now. Hannah X
I like that suggestion!
Like the Talking Mice in the Narnia books…
[...] the carpet covered in takeaway wrappers. I am surprised that I did not get colonies of mice like Chouette [...]